Put two fingers inside your vagina and look at where your clit falls in relation to those, she says. “This will give you a gauge of the distance you need between the two extensions.” Vibrating prostate massagers “Many prostate massagers feature an attachment that hugs up against the perineum (the spot between the anus and the balls),” Finn says. This helps stimulate the prostate from the inside and the outside. Her recommendations: We-Vibe Vector Lelo Hugo Nonvibrating wands Wand vibrators may be great, but don’t sleep on nonmotorized wands.
Generally made out of stainless steel or glass, wands can be used internally to apply pleasurable pressure to the G-spot and A-spot. And even the P-spot — so long as it has a flared base or nonpliable curve. “Stainless steel and glass can also hold temperature, which means you can warm them up or make them cold to experience different temperatures and sensations,” Finn says. For high-quality, stainless steel wands, check out anything from nJoy or Le Wand’s Stainless Steel Collection. For something less pricey, opt for a glass wand, like the Unbound Gem. Miscellaneous pleasure products for vulva owners Not all pleasure products fall under neat and tidy categories. But that doesn’t mean they won’t make you moan… Clit suction toys If you’re a vulva owner who loves the sensation of receiving head or wants to explore the sensation of receiving oral, you need to know about clit suction toys. “Rather than using vibration, clit suction toys use air and sucking technology to stimulate the clit,” Wolfe says. “They can work really well for folks who don’t like vibration, and they’re responsible for a lot of vulva owners’ first-ever orgasm.”
If you don’t have a clitoris but L-O-V-E nipple stimulation, you might also enjoy clit suction toys. When used with lube, it feels like a mouth. There are a ton of different clit suction toys on the market: If you enjoy the sensation of your clit being licked: Womanizer Premium If you’re looking for one that fits well between two bodies: We-Vibe Melt If you’re looking for one that also vibrates: The Chickie Emojibator If you enjoy really intense sucking on your clit: Lelo Sona Cruise Thrusters Sure, dildos can be used to thrust in and out of the body at speed… but not super easily. Hello, shoulder and bicep burn! “It’s legitimately hard for most people to put their arm between their legs and move their hand up and down really quickly,” Corrado says. Enter: thrusters. “Thrusters allow you to position the toy in one place and leave it while it does all the thrusting for you,” Corrado explains. “They also allow folks who can’t move their arms with consistent motion, or at all, to get that thrusting sensation.” Love accessible pleasure products!
Some thrusters, like the CalExotics Shameless Tease, feature an attachment that provides stimulation to the clitoris, like a rabbit vibrator does. Others, like the Zalo Desire preheating thruster, are shaped like standard dildos. Important note: Most thrusters don’t have a flared base, which means they shouldn’t be used anally. “Because they’re thrusting of their own accord, it could be really dangerous to use a thruster anally if it doesn’t have a flange,” Corrado notes. Ben Wa balls Jade eggs. Vaginal weights. Kegel aids. Ben Wa balls come in many shapes and forms, but they all do the same thing: go into your vagina and force your pelvic floor muscles to #dowerk.
Originally, they were designed to help vulva owners strengthen their pelvic floor muscles. But nowadays, they’re used as sex toys — especially in kink and BDSM scenes as a form of domination play. Finn explains: “The Dominant partner might have the submissive partner hold the balls inside their vagina as an endurance exercise.” (Is that iconic scene in “Fifty Shades of Grey” coming to mind?). For folks who are new to Ben Wa ball use, Finn recommends silicone balls, like the CalExotics Kegel-Training Strawberry Set or Satisfyer V Balls. More advanced users might try weighted Ben Wa balls, like Lelo Luna Beads or We-Vibe Bloom vibrating Kegel balls. Miscellaneous pleasure products for penis owners If you think sex toys for penis owners start and end with masturbation sleeves, be prepared to be proven wrong. Pulsator Rather than using vibration or thrusting, pulsators use oscillating technology to get you off.
The most popular toy on the pulsator market is the Hot Octopuss Pulse. Dubbed the first “Guybrator,” this toy wraps around the penis and jacks it off using oscillation (or more specifically, something called “PulsePlate Technology”). There’s also the Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo, which can be used with a partner with a vulva for a hot shared experience. Automatic masturbators Whether you can’t physically use your hands to jack off or simply don’t want to, automatic masturbators are a good bet — they do all the work for you. Here’s how it works: You lube up the toy, your penis, or both, and put your peen inside the toy, then turn it on so it can get busy. Intrigued? Check out Own Pleasures 10 Dual Motor Automatic Male Masturbator. Masturbation sleeves “Masturbation sleeves are things that go over the penis that you can either thrust into, or move up and down with the help of your hand,” Corrado explains.
Anal Toys UKLikely, the Fleshlight comes to mind. But that’s just one of the many masturbation sleeves available for purchase. Other popular masturbation sleeves include: Tenga Egg Tenga Zero Flip Hole Luxury Male Masturbator The ROCCO JackDaddy Stroker Cock ring Typically made of silicone, nitrile, or stainless steel, cock rings are designed to go over the base of the penis to keep the blood flow from moving back in the body. The result? Stronger erections, and sometimes delayed ejaculation. Stretchy, adjustable, and stainless cock rings are often designed to go under the scrotum, too. Vibrating cock rings go at the base of the penis. “The benefit of most vibrating cock rings is that they can be positioned to apply stimulation to the scrotum or to provide clitoral stimulation to a vulva owner during partnered sex,” Corrado says.
She recommends the We-Vibe Verge or the Lelo Tor Ohnut Technically speaking, the Ohnut isn’t a sex toy so much as it’s a sex aid. However, it’s a product all people with penises who sleep with vulva owners should know about. This product slips over the base of the penis to limit how much of the penis is able to go inside the vagina during P-in-V intercourse. The point? To make penetrative intercourse more pleasurable for vulva owners who might otherwise find it painful. Butt toys Finally! The part of the guide where we talk about butt stuff! “Why anal toys can be pleasurable is pretty simple,” Wolfe says. “No matter what your genitals are, your anus is loaded with nerve endings.” Butt plug “Butt plugs can create a pleasurable sensation of being stretched or of being full,” Wolfe says. “And for vulva owners, because the anal canal and vaginal canal are right next door, they can also be worn in the anus to make the vaginal cavity tighter,” they add. Beyond just being pleasurable for a partner with a penis during P-in-V, a tight vaginal canal can increase the feeling of fullness for the vulva owner.
According to Wolfe, this can increase the chance that the G-spot gets touched during penetration. Choose your next butt plug based on your experience level with anal: Beginner: b-Vibe Snug Plug 1 Intermediate: nJoy Pure Plug Advanced: b-Vibe Rimming Plug 2 or b-Vibe Bump Textured Plug Anal beads “While butt plugs are about creating a sustained sensation, anal beads are generally about one moment and movement,” Wolfe says. “They’re designed to massage the sphincter when they go in and create a pleasure pop when they’re pulled out,” they add. Intrigued? Check out b-Vibe’s Cinco anal beads, which have a vibrating option. Prostate massagers We’ve already touched on vibrating prostate massagers, but — spoiler alert — not all prostate massagers vibrate. Some are basically just butt plugs with a special shape (aka increased curve) to support prostate stimulation.
“Prostates respond well to firm, methodical pressure,” Finn says. “Often the base of the prostate massager will have a handle so that you can rock the toy back and forth against the prostate to create that pressure.” For intense, vibration-free prostate stimulation, check out the Aneros MGX prostate stimulator. Toys for the kink-curious “Most beginner kink toys are all about eroticizing erogenous zones that often get ignored, or creating surprising sensations,” Wolfe says. Here’s where to start. Blindfold It’s simple: By taking away one sense (your sight!), your other senses become much more heightened. “Touch becomes that much more electric when you can’t see what’s coming,” Finn says. Make your own blindfold out of a bandana or tie. Or, check out this Sex & Mischief satin blindfold. Feather teaser “Feather teasers can be used to provide a really gentle touch along the body,” Finn says. “They’re especially great after impact play on the now-much-more-sensitive area.”
Check out: Sex & Mischief feather tickler Unbound Tsk Babeland pleasure feather Handcuffs Like the idea of having to tell your partner exactly what you like, because you can’t show them? Turned on by the concept of being dominated? Give handcuffs a try. “I don’t recommend classic police-style handcuffs, because they’re metal and could potentially cut one of the important veins near your wrist,” Finn says. She recommends something that either has a wider cuff strap or is made out of a flexible material, like: Unbound Cuffies Babeland Heart 2 Heart cuffs Sportsheets adjustable wrist cuffs Note on safety: You should never ever (!) leave someone bound in handcuffs unattended. Sex furniture Sex furniture might sound super, ahem, freaky, but even if you and your partner identify as The Most Basic Couple In The World, sex furniture can be used to make your sex life more pleasurable.
“Really, sex furniture is just designed to help you and your partner get in more comfortable positions during positions you already love — or want to try but can’t due to physical limitations,” Wolfe says. Pillow and wedge Unlike the pillows you sleep on (which are usually squishy), sex pillows and wedges are made of a stiff (but comfortable!) foam that helps support your body, explains Wolfe. “They’re great for folks who aren’t super flexible, or who have a tough time holding up their body weight,” Wolfe says. Try propping the Dame Pillo under your hips during anal missionary so you and your partner can enjoy eye contact during anal sex — or to increase the chance that your partner hits your G-spot during penetrative play. The Liberator Wedge is a great option if you’re looking for a pillow to make doggy style better. “If the receiving partner leans over the pillow, they won’t sink into the bed,” Wolfe says. Sex swing
Sure, sex swings can be used by kinky couples. But according to Wolfe, “They’re a great option for any couple that wants to try new positions, angles, or heights.” For example, with the help of a sex swing, “standing” positions that require one partner to support the other’s body weight suddenly become available. What sex swing should you get? Consider these: If you’re short on space: Sportsheets Door Jam Sex Sling If you’ve got a sex dungeon or room: Extreme Restraints Sling and Swing Stand If you don’t have housemates: Trinity Vibes Ultimate Spinning Swing So, what sex toy should you buy? It all comes down to knowing what you like and finding a toy that helps you do it. Or, knowing what you like, and finding a toy that gives you a little extra-extra while you’re doing it! So, before you hand over your credit card, spend some time getting down with your sexy self and learning what you like! Try not to pout: There have been wayyy worse homework assignments than “masturbate.”
Dildos UKWhat is your relationship with self-pleasure? This may be one of the most difficult things to talk about as a person with vulva in Singapore. Our sexual education in schools is limited and we still suffer from what is known as the orgasm gap. For now, let's focus on sex toys for pals with vulvae specifically. How and where do you look for sex toys? How can you get away with doing so without being so embarrassed you might explode? Before we begin, figure out what you like by using nature's toys: your fingers. Touch, stroke, circle or rub your clitoris, try fingering yourself or even rubbing your vulva. Do you prefer internal or external stimulation or both? Do you like stimulating your G-spot? How much thickness is too much? Do you prefer something stiffer? These can inform your purchasing decision. That said, you need to figure out what your budget is as these toys can be quite pricey. This does not mean those that cost less are terrible, they may just come with fewer features such as waterproofing or require batteries instead of being chargeable. MATERIAL OF SEX TOYS Now, let’s talk about the types of sex toys and what makes a cheap or expensive toy. The main difference would be the materials used and the technology behind it. It’s quite similar to buying computer parts in that sense. Unfortunately, the sex toy industry is not regulated, so sometimes you may not even be certain of its purity. Make sure to look at the materials used and keep yourself informed as some of these toys may be made with cheaper, and sometimes dangerous, material.
The main types of materials used are: Silicone Being squishy (and hence somewhat lifelike) as well as mostly inert, silicone is the most popular choice for sex toys. Look out for “phthalate-free” and “body-safe” in the copy, and either “food-grade,” or “medical-grade” in the ingredients. Theoretically, all silicone should not be porous and stay inert. “Food-grade” is not medically tested, but the idea is that food-grade silicone does not transfer chemicals to food when it’s heated or cooled. The theory is that food-grade silicone will work the same way with the human body, but this is unproven. The safest option, especially if the toy is being inserted, is medical-grade silicone. This is also the most expensive option. This is the material used in breast implants and is regulated by the FDA's Center for Devices and Radiological Health. Medical-grade silicone is the only one that has actually been tested to interact with human bodies.
Fake silicone Some toys may be listed as silicone, but the ingredient list may say “jelly rubber” and polyvinyl chloride (PVC). These are porous, meaning that bacteria can get inside the toy and make it almost impossible to clean properly. Remember the clear jelly shoes that were trendy a while back? Those were also made of jelly rubber. These tend to be much more affordable, but are not very hygienic and may produce smells or become sticky after some time. Glass or metal (steel) These are inert materials that won't leak chemicals or harbour bacteria (as long as you're washing your toys correctly). Glass or metal toys can be very durable and hygienic, but the rigid material may be a con to some. The qualities of the material also allow for temperature-play exploration. This category of toys would be in the mid-range. If you want something that has some tech in it, i.e. is powered (vibrates or thrusts), silicone will likely be the material that encapsulates the tech. This is why silicone toys can range from $50 to a few hundred. This is then dependent on the technology included in your toy. Premium features could be being packaged in an inconspicuous container (like a lamp or necklace), having an app that allows remote (Bluetooth or long distance) control, or being self-thrusting. Generally, $50-$70 can get you a quality toy that will last.
In general, for penetrative toys, the expert advice would be to always put a condom over your toy to ensure safety. This is particularly for fake silicone or food-grade silicone toys (if you’re super concerned!) Condoms also make using sex toys with multiple partners safer. TYPES OF SEX TOYS Besides the material used, sex toys aimed at those with vulvas can be broken down roughly into internal and external stimulators. In general, external stimulation focuses on the clitoris or the labia majora, while internal stimulation focuses on penetration or the G-spot. Some have both too! External stimulators Vacuum suction